Life Goes On

Help me, I'm sorry but I have to be the most depressing asshat in the universe. I don't mean to be. It just happens that way sometimes. I've even put off writing because I didn't want to come off so down and out. I'm not always that way but it seems to sound that way no matter what.

Also, I have someone hanging over me all the time so when I feel like writing I can't. Honestly, do you feel comfortable with someone leaning over you even if it's reading the newspaper? Nobody reads this shit so I want to be able to pour it out. I haven't yet been able to do that.

Yes, I'm still fat. I've lost five pounds but with a stomach so large I can't bend over without losing my breath so fucking what. I'm giving it a halfway honest effort so shut your whore mouth. I've thrown away all the skinny pants. With any luck that will be what makes me lose weight.

I haven't been riding with Sunday in a year. I miss her so much it hurts. I meet her at the fence each morning after I milk the goats and feed her treats. She's pasture crazy and I'm just nuts. Maybe someday we'll meet in the middle. I miss her so much. I wonder now if I can even get my big ass into the saddle.

My brilliant and beautiful daughter was home for a visit in January. She brought her intended, Maggie home with her. I love Maggie. She is a gorgeous person and she worships my daughter. Who could ask for anything better? I have worried for years about Sarah. She's never been one to chase skirts and she's had very few serious relationships. I can tell she loves Maggie and more importantly for me, Maggie loves Sarah. They are moving in together today. I wish I could be there to help them. Since I can't be there, I love you girls! Be well and be happy.

In my boring existence, I am entering the local chili cookoff. I know... duh. But, in my defense, I make a fairly good chili. We like it anyway. I thought if for no other reason it gets me out of the house and it would be fun. I'll let you know how that turns out.

Seriously... I need to get to this more often. It helps to put things on 'paper' so to speak. It would be easier if I didn't have to wait til the middle of the night to do it!

I need a vacation. Hmmmm.... Florida or Oklahoma? Who the hell am I fooling? Until some money starts coming in and there is someone other than me to milk the goats where the hell am I going?

I want to shop for shoes. That would make me feel soooo much better!

Updates

The mama duck is down to two ducklings. Well, last night she had two. They are too big to get under her now so they are being picked off by the rats. There may not be any left this morning. If I can get my hands on them I'll take them and try to keep them alive until they get big enough to be on their own.

My little hens are gone as well as about half the banties that managed to survive the last chicken massacre. They disappeared the weekend of the fair while I was gone. I understand that everything has to eat, even foxes. But I'm getting goddamned tired of hosting a fucking wild predator buffet. I'm being haunted by thoughts of tiny baby chicks and ducklings dying horribly painful deaths. Over 60 chicks and 35 ducklings have lost their little lives this summer. Yep, it's getting to me. If this fucking jungle isn't cleaned up soon, I'm going to do something drastic. I should probably go ahead and start a bail fund - just in case.

After weeks of telling hubby that Sunday is getting out of the poorly constructed fencing and sleeping in the yard, he came close to her with his truck as he left for work yesterday morning. He said she hollered at him and made him jump out of his skin. Let's not even attempt to elaborate on what will happen if my muley girl is injured. Let's just say it won't be pretty. Note to self... start secondary bail fund - just in case. If Sunday were to die before me, just shoot me and throw me in the hole with her.

My best muley girl is waiting for me to open the gate and let her back into the pasture for her breakfast. For some reason, I really need my morning muley hug today and Sunday gives the best hugs ever.

Overwhelmed and Tired of it

Does the word 'overwhelmed' also mean 'frakkin' nutcase'? If it doesn't, it has to be closely related.

Previously I reported spending at least one day with pain so severe I was bedridden. Believe me, that never happens. I have too much to do to gimp out so no matter what I feel like, it's outside at daylight for me. I thought my arthritis was getting worse but I was wrong. That day was the beginning of a severe case of shingles. It's been weeks since it began and I am still in the process of healing. The blisters are gone but the areas where the blisters were are still drying and yes, those areas are sore as shit. There are at least two places where it's going to scar. Lucky me I'm too old to care about that stuff anymore. I never thought I would look forward to the day I would be able to wear bloomers again. I'm trying not to set my goals too high.

In the news... All I've heard lately is about a huge egg recall due to salmonella. Yep, he who controls the food controls the masses. It's a sad thing that not only is something as basic as food so expensive but the method in which it is produced these days will kill you. I love the way the factory farms preach how you shouldn't get things like milk, eggs and meat from people like me who do things like they've been done forever. New and improved production methods are safer. Really??? When was the last time you heard of a farmer with e-coli? Salmonella? I'm a walking monument to that stuff! Eggs were never meant to be scrubbed and then covered in wax. They come out of the hen with an airtight protective covering. If you wash that off the inside of the egg is open to contamination. People have become so fucking stupid most of them don't know where eggs come from anyway. Egg producers can't risk people learning eggs shoot right out a chicken's rear and might get a little poo on them in the process. I'm glad I have my own egg producers, poo and all.

I didn't get a calf this year. I hate dealing with the gut bumping bastards but I like having fresh beef in the freezer. In 2012 there will be no steaks for me. The only thing I ever buy at the grocery store is chicken - and kielbasa when I get a craving - and only when that is on sale. I do look at the price of things once in a while. How on earth do people afford to buy meat? I think of young folks with families trying to afford food and for the life of me I don't know how they do it. How are people supposed to eat healthy when the only thing they can afford is the boxed, fortified with lots of chemicals shit? One green pepper is nearly $4. Four damn dollars for a green pepper??? I'm not much for pondering conspiracies but I can't help but wonder what this is a preview of.

I saw another fox the other day. I came out of the house to a rousing chorus of cackles and figured I'd better check it out. When I got near the hay shed a fox ran out and into the woods. Dear Jude went after it but he had to go around the buck lots while the fox was able to run through them. Jude spent some time barking but I don't know if he found where the thing lives or not. There were feathers lying around but the fox left empty handed (empty mouthed?) and I didn't see anyone mortally wounded so I guess I thwarted a fowl crime. I have one duckling left out of a clutch of twelve. I'm pretty sure it's a drake and since my one and only drake is getting old I really need a replacement. Out of thirty plus ducklings this year, this little fella is the only survivor. I have him under Fort Knox security. During the day he's outside in a pen but at night I put him in a cage placed inside the horse trailer. He hates being carried back and forth every day but you know what I tell him? Shut the fuck up.

Sunday has been jumping the fence and helping herself to the feed barrels. If she were a horse I'd panic but mules have enough sense to stop eating before they kill themselves. I came home from the grocery store the other day to find Sunday with her head in the chicken scratch bag. That wouldn't be so incredible except the bag was inside a non-functioning chest freezer. Miss SmartyPants had opened the lid and fixed it so it stayed up while she munched. She had opened six barrels of feed and sampled all of those too from the looks of things. When supper time came I put only a small amount of feed in her bucket but she stayed with the hay. See what I mean? She knew she had eaten enough concentrate feed to do her so she declined her supper. Too smart. I caught her out again the next day so I tied her and cleaned her ears. She hasn't been back out since.

It's almost light enough to see what I'm doing outside so it's time to put my shoes on and head out the door. Aren't you glad Jesus was a carpenter? If he had been a farmer there would be no day of rest.

Next time...

In my last post I whined about spending a Saturday in immense pain. Well, I thought it was my arthritis acting up but nooooo... I have since come down with a god awful case of shingles. I have never had shingles before and I pray to all that is holy I never get them again. I have already told my health care professional that if this happens again I want a morphine drip and a catheter. Lay my naked ass in the bed and don't wake me til it's over. If you've never had a case of these babies, fall to your knees right now and pray you never get them. Shingles hurt like hell.

On the brighter side, the anti-virals seem to be working. The blisters that cover most of my left thigh, among other places, are starting to dry up. Just show me where to plant the kiss I'm already puckered up for. Seriously. I'd kiss the ass of Genghis Kahn if I thought it would help. I've soaked myself in so many vinegar baths I smell like a frikkin' pickle. If I manage to sleep through the entire night tonight then I know I'm on the mend.

Even better than getting better is being able to go outside and visit with Sunday for a while today. I was fixing the feed buckets for the equines this morning when Sunday's pretty faced poked into the room. Bless her heart, she had come for a visit. It's good to be missed. I finished fixing the feed pails and she followed me back to the pasture. I opened the gate - that she had previously opened for herself - and told her to go in. She went right through it because mules are smart that way. I loved on her and gave her treats before putting her fly mask on. She has very sensitive eyes and has to wear it or her eyes swell terribly from the irritation. She hates it but it's necessary. This evening she hadn't come up so I walked about halfway down the hill and called her name out two or three times. In just a few minutes she came trotting to me. I love that girl. I am going to try to get out early tomorrow and spend a little more time with her.

I hope soon to get out of my whining phase and get to telling stories which is why I wanted this blog to begin with. I didn't mean for it to be a whinefest. I apologize for that. After waiting years to begin I seem to have started at a seriously low point in my life. You know, the peak and valley thing? Grand Canyon going on here. I'll perk up soon. Just as soon as I stop itching and Stumpy stops licking his nuts... Sheesh, if they aren't clean by now it just ain't gonna happen. Stop the slurping already!