Life Goes On

Help me, I'm sorry but I have to be the most depressing asshat in the universe. I don't mean to be. It just happens that way sometimes. I've even put off writing because I didn't want to come off so down and out. I'm not always that way but it seems to sound that way no matter what.

Also, I have someone hanging over me all the time so when I feel like writing I can't. Honestly, do you feel comfortable with someone leaning over you even if it's reading the newspaper? Nobody reads this shit so I want to be able to pour it out. I haven't yet been able to do that.

Yes, I'm still fat. I've lost five pounds but with a stomach so large I can't bend over without losing my breath so fucking what. I'm giving it a halfway honest effort so shut your whore mouth. I've thrown away all the skinny pants. With any luck that will be what makes me lose weight.

I haven't been riding with Sunday in a year. I miss her so much it hurts. I meet her at the fence each morning after I milk the goats and feed her treats. She's pasture crazy and I'm just nuts. Maybe someday we'll meet in the middle. I miss her so much. I wonder now if I can even get my big ass into the saddle.

My brilliant and beautiful daughter was home for a visit in January. She brought her intended, Maggie home with her. I love Maggie. She is a gorgeous person and she worships my daughter. Who could ask for anything better? I have worried for years about Sarah. She's never been one to chase skirts and she's had very few serious relationships. I can tell she loves Maggie and more importantly for me, Maggie loves Sarah. They are moving in together today. I wish I could be there to help them. Since I can't be there, I love you girls! Be well and be happy.

In my boring existence, I am entering the local chili cookoff. I know... duh. But, in my defense, I make a fairly good chili. We like it anyway. I thought if for no other reason it gets me out of the house and it would be fun. I'll let you know how that turns out.

Seriously... I need to get to this more often. It helps to put things on 'paper' so to speak. It would be easier if I didn't have to wait til the middle of the night to do it!

I need a vacation. Hmmmm.... Florida or Oklahoma? Who the hell am I fooling? Until some money starts coming in and there is someone other than me to milk the goats where the hell am I going?

I want to shop for shoes. That would make me feel soooo much better!

Rambling on...

This is Mr Tibbs. He used to be the baby daddy for all kids born to yearlings around here. Since I don't breed that many does anymore, I had Tibbs wethered (goatspeak for neutered) and he lives in the yard. Mr Tibbs is a nutty little fucker and as much as I hate to admit it, I'm right fond of him.

It's a bit late in the year but another mommy duck came off her nest with six darling little ducklings. They are so cute when they're first hatched. I love to watch them climb in the water bowls and swim around. My father in law and I are trying to figure out if we can catch them and managing to do that, where can we put them at night so they don't become supper for some creature with nasty, pointy teeth.

The duck I've been hauling back and forth has been officially placed in the coop with the daddy duck and the big laying hens. If he's still alive in the morning I'll be a very happy ducky mom.

Today I found my very oldest friend in the world on Facebook. The only person I've known longer than Shannon is my mother. Shan and I used to call each other 'wombmates'. Somewhere along the way we parted ways. I don't even know how it happened but I hope to meet up with her and get back to where we are supposed to be. Life just hasn't been right without her.

This weekend is the Mountain State Fair and I'll be there helping with the goat show like I do every year. Every year I dread it more. I would like to sit home and enjoy the peace and quiet. I started crocheting my first attempt at socks today. I could finish it if I stayed home but I would feel guilty for not going to help so I'll be driving up the mountain every morning for three days and back down again each evening to do the chores here. Whoopty doodle.

Sunday has been jumping the fence at least once daily. I think she's doing it just to make me come out and put her up. I speak to her and she dances about before making a beeline to the gate. Once she's there she stands still as a mouse until I open it for her and then she goes back to pasture. She's funny that way. I love that old gal.

I hope tomorrow is peaceful. I've been having some serious headaches for the last week or so and I could use a break.