I had to run out this morning and do a few errands. You know the deal, pay a bill here, ship a package there and make a stop at the grocery store. As I turned into the WalMart parking lot I saw a little dog at the curb next to a sign that read "Need dog food". There was something else written but I was looking at the dog and missed it. The sight of the little dog stuck in my head... at least until I parked my car.
I hadn't eaten anything before leaving the house so I was getting a bit hungry. As a rule, I never shop for groceries when I'm hungry. I end up buying things I don't need but today my stomach began to rule my brain. Passing by the balogna I saw the hotdogs and thought how good one would be with the kick-ass brat mustard I have in the refrigerator. Hotdogs in hand I backtracked to the chip aisle and got a bag of Lay's Kettle Cooked chips that I have recently become addicted to. I finished my shopping and loaded everything into the trunk of the car. On my way out of the parking lot I passed by the little dog again and thought to myself what a shitheel I had been for not even thinking to pick up a small bag of dogfood. What would it cost? $5 maybe? While I was thinking of all beef hotdogs, brat mustard and kettle cooked chips with sea salt and cracked pepper, I never once gave a moment's notice to that dog. And then I saw the old man. He was every bit as thin as the dog. Neither was starving to death but it looked as if it had been a while since they'd had a decent meal. Despite sitting in a parking lot, they seemed very happy with each other.
I turned out of the parking lot but for some reason I was overcome with the compulsion to go back. I cranked a U-turn at the bank and drove back to Food Lion. I was kicking myself in the ass the whole way and telling myself the old fart would probably raise hell wanting money instead of dog food. "That's OK", I said to me "because if he pitches a fit I'll just take the fucking dog". I bought a loaf of bread, a few bananas, a package of sandwich ham, a large bottle of water and an 18 lb bag of Alpo that was on sale for $7. With my MPV card I spent just a bit over $13.
I placed everything in the front seat, putting the food and water in a recyclable WalMart bag for ease in carrying. I pulled up beside the man and his dog. Some goober was standing there beside this obviously hungry man tearing bread off his Wendy's hamburger bun and throwing bits to the dog. The old man was smiling and I realized he wasn't begrudging the dog a single bite. I got out of my car, walked to the passenger side, took the bags out and set them down beside the stop sign. The old man's face lit up like a Christmas tree. His eyes began to fill with tears as he spoke to his dog and said "Look here girl!". He started coming toward me and to be honest, I had to fight the urge to back up and run. I'm not much of a people person on the best of days. Having some nasty old drunk trying to hug me isn't on my list of things to do today. As he got closer I saw he had to be around 70 and didn't have a tooth in his head but he was clean as a pin. His clothes were old but neat. His hair was combed. There was no smell of tobacco or alcohol. Before I knew it, I was hugging him as he patted my back and said 'thank you' a hundred times. I got back in the car and drove off feeling even more the shitheel than I had before. Looking in the mirror I saw he had sat down on the curb, looked in the WalMart bag and was crying.
By the time I got on the highway I was in tears. I hate that life has made my heart so hard toward people. Like Mulder, I want to believe but I have a really hard time letting myself go there. It's gotten me into so much misery over the years I simply stopped believing. I cried all the way home because I can't help but wonder if I hadn't seen that dog, would I have noticed the man at all? I hate to say it, but probably not.
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